He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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