Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
