so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Four minutes until I can fart!
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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