Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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