1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
