I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
