I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
