Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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