Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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