i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
