Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
