I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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