Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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