Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Randomize
