pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
