Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
