she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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