So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
