Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
