Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
