What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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