Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize