I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
