Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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