I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
