my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
