Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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