i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
