I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
