Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
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He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
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He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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