Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
