Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
