My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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