Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
