The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
