well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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