I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
