she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
