you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
