You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
