worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
