I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
