The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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