haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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