I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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