Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
