she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
