I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
