we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
