Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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