I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You are a genius and a whore.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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