My room smells like vodka and shame
What a fucking waste of an outfit
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
