What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
