just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
