just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Im part way to drunk.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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