Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
