This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
