i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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