My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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