Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
