Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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