The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
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