honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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