so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
