i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
