Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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