# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
