I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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