just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
