I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
