yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation