just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
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Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
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Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.