I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties