I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.