she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.