Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap

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(912): View more from Georgia

You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.

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(217): View more from Illinois

I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(415): View more from California

Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.

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(208): View more from Idaho

I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.

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(308): View more from Nebraska

Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status

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(773): View more from Illinois

We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.

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(910): View more from North Carolina

11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.

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