when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
