tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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