dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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