ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
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It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
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You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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