I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
