his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
