You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
