Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
