I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
