69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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