she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
